I can't keep doing this
by CybrAngl
Summary: This is in my opinion a scene that should have occured at the end of Damaged, Season 3 Possible spoiler. M/G
1. Chapter 1

This is, in my humble opinion, what should have happened at the end of Damaged, when Kevin spoke to Rossi about Penelope and him.

Possible Spoiler for Damaged. Season 3

Penelope was busy running routine maintenance on her babies when Derek suddenly opened the door to her office and rushed in. Penelope jumped and swung her chair around. When she realized it was Derek a smile appeared on her face, the kind of smile she gave only to him. "Hey there hot stuff you startled me" she said.

"What's this about you and Kevin and why haven't you said anything to me?" he asked her.

He took Penelope by surprise. The smile quickly disappeared and the expression that replaced it was total confusion. She wasn't really sure what he was talking about. Derek had known that she and Kevin had been seeing each other; in fact he was the first to find out. "What are you talking about Derek, you knew that we had gone out several times" she said. "Why are you so upset?"

Derek couldn't believe it. This was the one person he talked to about EVERYTHING. They told each other their deepest darkest secrets. At least he thought they did. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. She kept this from him and even when he confronted her about it, she lied to him. Yea he knew they had gone out on some dates, so what? Kevin's chat with Rossi wasn't JUST about some dates. Obviously there was more to this. Hell even JJ. seemed to know more about it than him.

"I'm done! I can't keep doing this." He said and with that he turned around and walked out, slamming the door to her office. "Derek!! Derek come back!!" she yelled out, but he was gone and she was totally confused.

Derek walked into the bullpen, picked up his ready bag and told everyone he was going home. "Hey, what about our drinks?" Emily said. "I'll take a rain check Em; I'm not in the mood." He replied. He looked up towards Rossi's office and noticed that Kevin was still there. He tightened his jaw and stared at Kevin for a few before turning around and walking away.

"What's up with Derek?" Emily said. JJ smiled. "What do you think is wrong with him?" JJ looked at Emily and nodded towards Rossi's office. "Ohhh you think that's it?" Emily asked. "You saw how he got when he found out that Kevin wanted to talk to Rossi. Didn't you see how he stormed out of the Bull Pen?" JJ said.

"Wow, I can't help but feel for the guy, but you keep someone at arm's length long enough and they are bound to find another set of arms to settle in." Emily said.

JJ.'s phone rang, she looked at the caller ID and saw it was Penelope and answered. "Hey Pen, what's up?"

"JJ is Derek there?" Penelope asked. "He just left about 3 minutes ago, he's probably still in the parking lot" JJ told her. "Try him on his cell"

"I have, he won't pick up. Do you know what's wrong with him?" Penelope asked.

"Give him some time Pen, he needs to be able to lick his wounds" JJ said.

"Huh? What wounds?? What are you talking about? JJ stay there I'm on my way out" Penelope said.

"I'm about to Hello?? Penelope??" JJ looked at her phone and saw the call had been disconnected. She looked at Emily and sighed. "I don't think she knows about Kevin talking to Rossi. If she doesn't this going to go south real quick!" JJ said. Both girls turned towards the entrance of the bull pen when they heard Penelope's heal clicking on the floor. Penelope had walked into the pen at such a fast pace that her focus was only on JJ. She hadn't even noticed that Emily was there, even though she was standing right next to JJ.

"Is he hurt?? What happened?? What wound are you talking about?? JJ ANSWER ME!!" Penelope said in a tone that almost desperate. "I would but you need to give a few seconds between questions in order to do that!" JJ said.

"I'm sorry, he just took me by surprise and I'm a little confused about what's going on." Penelope said.

"How are things with you and Kevin going?" JJ asked.

"Kevin? I don't want to talk about Kevin JJ; he has nothing to do with this. I want to know what's going on with Derek!" Penelope said, almost yelling.

JJ looked at Penelope and realized she had no idea what was going on. She nodded her head towards Rossi's office hoping that Penelope would catch on and look herself. Penelope looked over to see what JJ was trying to show her and wound up doing a double take. At first the scene hadn't registered in her brain, but when she realized who was there she froze.

"Whaaat? WHY IS HE IN THERE??" She yelled. "What is he talking to MY Boss about?" I'm going to KILL HIM" she growled. Then suddenly it all came together. She went over Derek's words in her head. "Kevin's chat with Rossi wasn't JUST about some dates. Obviously there was more to this. Hell even JJ seemed to know more about it than him" Derek had said. Penelope now understood what Derek was talking about. It was more than anger, it was pain. He thought she was hiding this from him. She needed to talk to Derek. She had NO clue that Kevin was going to do this. How could she know? She had made it clear to him that he wasn't to discuss this with her superiors. She had even threatened him! She knew he was committed to their relationship, but she also knew she wasn't sure they even had one. Not like HE thought they did anyway. You can't give your heart to someone completely when it already belongs to someone else.

Penelope looked over at JJ and Emily and said "I gotta go!" and with that she quickly walked out of the bull pen and headed towards Esther.

JJ and Emily watched her leave and turned to each other. As if it had been planned they both said "It's about time!" Laughing at the coincidence of their words JJ added "What I wouldn't give to be a fly on THAT wall." Emily simply nodded in agreement.


	2. Chapter 2

This is, in my humble opinion, what should have happened at the end of Damaged, when Kevin spoke to Rossi about Penelope and him.

Possible Spoiler for Damaged. Season 3

Penelope got into Esther and locked the door. She needed to talk to Derek. She needed to make sure he understood that she had NOTHING to do with Kevin's discussion with Rossi. "Why would he do that?" she said out loud. "He had NO right!" The longer she sat there going over things in her head, the angrier she got. Kevin had no right talking to ANYONE about them especially since there was no THEM! She had been honest with him. He knew her heart belonged to someone else. He didn't know who, but he knew!

Then of course there was Derek. Why was he so upset! She HAD talked to him about Kevin. He knew they had gone on dates. What was that all about? She went over this in her head, going back and forth between Kevin and Derek and jumbling feelings of anger and confusion. Even hurt to an extent, after all Derek walked out on her and he wouldn't even answer his phone. She'd never seen him this upset with her and she couldn't understand why. All she knew was she needed to get to him. She needed to talk to him. More than anything, she needed him.

She bit her lower lip and placed her hands on the wheel. "Esther, I need to go to Derek's house, I need to talk to him and explain things. He needs to know that I had nothing to do with this." She said. "Penelope you're losing it" she thought "you're talking to a car, now quit stalling and GO!"

When she finally arrived at Derek's, all the lights were out. His truck was in the driveway but there were no signs of life in that house. She walked up to his front door and knocked several times. She heard Clooney bark from behind the door but still saw no sign of Derek. She knocked again, this time a little harder and noticed a light in the distance had come on. "Who is it?" a voice said from behind the door. "You know who it is Derek, I know you're looking through the peep hole, open up please" she said.

He opened the door halfway, his body blocking her entrance. "Garcia it's late, what are you doing here?" he asked. His expression was cold.

There he was. Her Chocolate God in all his splendor. Derek was shirtless and Penelope couldn't help but stare at his rock hard abs. "Focus Woman!! I am!! Not on his abs, on the problem!! "She had a mini battle in her head but managed to regain composure. "Derek, we need to talk. I need to clear up some things with you" she said, her voice starting to crack. "I don't think you know ….."

Derek interrupted her mid sentence. "You're right, I don't! I don't know because YOU didn't tell me." He turned to walk inside the house and she stepped inside quickly, closing the door behind her.

"Derek listen to me, I had NO idea that he was going to talk to Rossi. "

"You don't get it. It's not about him talking to Rossi, it's the fact that there was something for him to discuss with Rossi in the first place" Derek said. "Something you didn't think to share with me"

"Derek I share everything with you. I do not understand what you think I've held back on!" She said.

"When were you planning on letting me know that you and Kevin were serious?" Derek asked.

"I don't know, I'll let you know when that happens. IF that happens. Look, Kevin knows how I feel. Yes he's a nice guy, yes he treats me right and yes he wants more but I made it clear to him that I wasn't ready for anything more than casual." Penelope said.

"So why the pow wow with Rossi?" Derek asked.

"I'm not sure but I think it has something to do with Rossi coming to my apartment before you guys left on the last case and well" Penelope took a deep breath, "sort of catching us together."

"Together?" Derek said, raising his eyebrows. "What exactly does together mean?"

"Look Derek, I don't go asking you about your "dates" and I certainly don't want to hear details about them either. I don't think it's fair that you question mine." Penelope said, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"What Dates?" Derek said almost yelling. "I haven't been on a date since you got hurt!"

Those words triggered something in Penelope's mind. Something Derek had said in her office that kept gnawing at her. "I'm done, I can't do this anymore." What did that mean? She needed to know. "Derek, what did you mean when you said to me you were done? Done with what?"

Derek bit on the tip of his tongue and looked at Penelope. He reached for her hand and led her to the couch. "Before I say anything, I need to know something. You need to be honest with me. How do you feel about Kevin?" He said.

"I told you Derek, he's a nice guy but he's not THE guy for me." Penelope said. Her eyes filling with tears at the sound of those words. She'd known it for a long time but she kept trying and hoping. She knew that the man she loved was totally out of reach and the idea of spending her life without him scared her.

Derek took a deep breath and realized that if he was going to get anywhere with Penelope, he needed to be just as honest with her. "Do you know why I haven't dated anyone?" he asked softly.

Penelope looked into his eyes and nodded. "Tell me" she said.

"When you were hurt, I realized just how big a part of my life you were. The thought of losing you scared me. It made me face things I was unwilling to face before. You know I don't do relationships well. Hell I don't do relationships at all, but all of a sudden I was wanting one. I wanted one with you. I wanted my baby girl to be MY Baby. When Kevin stepped in, I gave you space because I thought that's what you needed. I thought that after a few dates it would blow over. Instead I come back to find that he's talking to Rossi about you two and JJ's remark was the clincher. She spoke about you the way you talk about a couple. " He took a deep breath and shook his head slowly. "I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't just stand on the sidelines and hope for more. I needed to walk away."

A teardrop rolled down her cheek as she listened to him. He was opening up his heart and finally saying the words she had long dreamt of hearing. He reached over and gently wiped the tear drop from her cheek. He cupped her face in his hand and she leaned into it. His hands were so strong and yet gentle. She looked into eyes and felt the love that looked onto hers. He was her everything, her dreams, her inspiration, the breath of her very existence.

"Derek, it has always been you. I have loved you for as long as I can remember. I just never thought I'd have a chance with you. Kevin and I weren't meant to be. I had given my heart to you a very long time ago. He knew this but thought he could change it. I didn't know what he was up to please believe me. I would never have allowed him to do it. " She said.

Derek placed his thumb gently on her lips tracing them as his other hand reached over and grabbed her softly from behind her neck. He gently pulled her close to him and whispered as his lips barely grazed hers "will you be my baby?"

Penelope wrapped her arms around his neck and replied "now and forever" and with that they kissed. When they finally came up for air he placed his finger on her chin and looked into her eyes. He smiled and said "I love you baby girl." She smiled back and replied "I love you more."

Derek slowly stood up and guided Penelope to her feet. Kissing her once again, he guided them to his bedroom. Just then Penelope stopped and said "wait I need to go talk to Kevin." He gave her a sheepish grin and said "you will, after."

"After what?" she said.

"After you call my name" he said wickedly.

Penelope smiled and blushed. She knew it was going to be long night.


End file.
